Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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