i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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