There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
