the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
