watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
