Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
