Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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