I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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