guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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