i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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