Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
