Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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