I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
