My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
