What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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