There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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