I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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