just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
