There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
