I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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