they need to just BURY HIM!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
