I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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