He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
