New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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