Nicole vs. Life
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
