I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
