Im at strip club and am horny
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
