why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
