We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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