I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
