I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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