i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was born a porn star she said
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
