Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
