i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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