Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
