there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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