Apparently you make a good broom.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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