Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
