When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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