I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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