i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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