I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
