So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
