My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
