So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
