Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
