Do you still have your period?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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