What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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