Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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