The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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