this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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