I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
