They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
