He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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