you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
