So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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