Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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