I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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