shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
