Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
