Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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