I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
